Yes, I know. It's starting to get silly. Last year I bought a little 125cc scooter for getting about on in Spain. Then took my test and got a 400. Now I've just bought a 350 for use in Northern Ireland. What is it they say? You always need N+1 bikes?

You'd think getting a motorbike is pretty straightforward, especially if you've had a points free driving licence for 40 years. Think again, it's a f@@king nightmare. And bloody expensive. I've only just stared lessons, but this is my experience thus far.

Ya, OK. Calling it a motorbike is a stretch. I'd previously have called it a scooter, but that term is now used solely for electric scooters, so maybe I should call it a moped? But that terms doesn't exist in Spain, where I've bought it. They call it a "moto", so that's what it is, a moto!